UnEquivalent Trade
by Hakai
Summary: humor, body-switching. might add some royxed later. not sure. please read and review
1. KörperTauschen

Un-Equivalent Trade

By: Hakai

Disclaimer: I [Hakai] don't own anything Fullmetal Alchemist related. They belong to their respectful owners. Beware bad writing skills.

A/N: first attempt at a Hangane no Renkinjutsushi fanfic. I've only read up to vol 3, part of vol 4, and some odd chapters after. So please excuse and correct any mistakes I may have made. Sankyuu! Edit: there may be royxed or a hint of it at least. Not sure yet. I love that pairing but not sure if I will be able to write it in. ::shrugs::

Chap. 1: Körper-Tauschen

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"Where did he go?" Edward Elric scowled becoming frustrated with the chase. Pursuing renegade alchemists was definitely _not_ at the top of his 'to do' list. "And why are _you_ here?" The braided boy asked irritably turning to his superior, Roy Mustang.

The colonel shrugged. "If you had to see Hawkeye everyday, you'd want to get away too." Ed sighed. That was just like Roy, trying to ditch work.

"Nii-san, I think he went down one of these paths." Alphonse said indicating three pathways, all going in different directions.

"We'll have to split up." Ed said taking the middle route. Al and Roy nodded as they too took a trail.

Edward didn't really know much about the renegade they were chasing. Aside from his name, Tauschen, there were no records of the man. The reason for his capture? The usual, unlicensed, unauthorized, illegal experimentations. Ed sighed. Really. Why did this people never learn? Don't do stupid things or it causes more paperwork for him!

Edward concentrated and opened all his senses. The trees were starting to thin, meaning the forest was opening up. As Ed ran out of the forest he heard familiar footsteps to the right. Through his peripheral vision he caught a hint of blue cloth. The shock nearly threw him off balance. "Taisa?!"

"Edward-kun. Seems our paths cross once again." Roy joked.

Ed scowled. He would have made some witty comeback, if not for the ground below his feet coming to a sudden halt. "Cliff…!" He gasped over the rushing of water. He looked up. The colonel too had come to a sudden halt. But not so much because of a cliff. It was the sight in front of him. A man sat cross-legged at the cliff's most prominent edge.

"Tauschen." Roy called quietly. The man stood up, his back still to them. "Don't do anything stupid."

The man turned towards Roy and Ed. He studied them for awhile, determining what action would be best. He gave them a maniacal smile, right before his body plummeted into the rapids below.

Roy and Ed rushed to where he had once been standing. But it was pointless. "Nii-san…?" Ed heard Al call from somewhere in the distance. He sighed.

"Mission 'Körper-Tauschen', completed." Ed proclaimed as he stood up. "Guess that wraps things up here. Let's head back, Al." The braided boy said turning to his younger brother.

Alphonse nodded. "Are you coming, Taisa?" He asked turning to their dark haired colonel. 

Roy shook his head. "I've got more work to do in the office."

Ed sighed again thinking of all the paperwork a suicide case would cause. Roy laughed. "What now?"

"They say every time you sigh you shrink a little. Could that be why you are so small, Edward-kun?"

Ed would have attacked Roy if Al hadn't held him back. "Nii-san." Al warned.

Roy laughed again. "I'll have someone identify his body later. You Elrics, however, are dismissed." And with that said Colonel Roy Mustang left the Elric Brothers alone.

Ed, having calmed down now, let out a sigh. Immediately he clapped his hands over his mouth, as if trying to keep it in. Al laughed. "C'mon. Let's go home, Al."

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"If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge? Revenge is sweet, or so they say. Let's find out, shall we?" Someone whispered into the night.

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Colonel Roy Mustang had worked late into the night. The body of Tauschen had been identified and taken care of. But there was still much work to be done in the office. Both related and unrelated. Therefore, Roy had decided to, yet again, to plop himself onto the couch in his office and spend the night.

At least that's where he _thought _he had fallen asleep. But with the confusion of the day before, he could very well had been mistaken. For he woke up in an unfamiliar bed under an unfamiliar ceiling.

He tried to shake if off, but his pounding headache wouldn't let him. As he sat up the door to the room opened to reveal, "Alphonse…?" He asked groggily.

"Good, you're awake. Breakfast is ready." Roy looked at him confused. "Still got a headache? Why don't you go wash up." Al suggested before leaving to the kitchen.

_Wash up?_ Roy thought. Well, it was as good an idea as any, considering he had none. Slowly, with half-lidded eyes, Roy made his way to the bathroom. Something didn't feel right. He now recognized this place as the Elric's rented apartment. He had been here just once before. But somehow…. Somehow it felt different this time. Come to think of it, _he_ felt different. But then, it could just be because of his headache.

He stumbled into the bathroom and had to catch himself on the basin. "Oww…" He moaned. Looking down to see what he had tripped on. His eyes widened. Something was wrong. His left foot. No, his left leg from the mid-thigh down was, "Automail." He looked at his right hand. Automail again.

With sudden realization he looked up into the mirror. Staring back at him with the same shocked expression he knew he had was, Edward Elric.

Roy clamped a hand over his mouth to prevent a scream he felt was coming.

"It must be a dream." He told himself, finally calming down enough to think. "Ha. I even sound like Fullmetal. Not a dream, but a horrible nightmare."

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"Nii-san, are you feeling better?" Alphonse asked. Roy nodded, only vaguely hearing Al's voice. "Breakfast's ready. And please, drink your milk this time." Roy nodded again as he sat down. Silently he picked up the fork and slowly chewed on the eggs. _Pretty good for a something cooked by a suit of armor._ Roy thought.

He glanced at the milk. It was his favorite drink when he was a child, but he hadn't drank it since. Putting his fork down, he reached out for the bottle and brought it to his mouth. But before he could taste it, he heard the desperate cry of, "STOP! DON'T DRINK THE MILK!!!" Roy and Al both looked up to see what appeared to be Roy Mustang barging through the doorway.

Alphonse recovered first. "What's wrong, Taisa?"

"I'm not--" he tried but cut himself off upon seeing "Ed" drinking the bottle of milk. "You! What d'you think you're doing?!" He exclaimed in a very "un-Roy-ish" manner.

Roy looked up. "I'm guessing you're Edward. Am I right?"

"Of course! And you," He pointed an accusing figure at the blond who outwardly _looked_ like Edward. "you just put that awful milk into my body!!"

Roy shrugged. Ed glowered. Al fainted.

A/N: I got the "They say every time you sigh, you shrink a little." from 'Girl Got Game'. so credit to that line goes there. At there is a quote on revenge I took from somewhere too. So credit goes to them. Please comment and tell me how it is? Sankyuu!


	2. Arbeit

Un-Equivalent Trade

By: Hakai

Disclaimer: I [Hakai] don't own anything Fullmetal Alchemist related. They belong to their respectful owners. Beware bad writing skills.

A/N: first attempt at a Hangane no Renkinjutsushi fanfic. I've only read up to vol 4, and some odd chapters after that to vol 6. So please excuse and correct any mistakes I may have made. Sankyuu! Thanks to all who reviewed last time! ^^

Chap. 2: Arbeit

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"Let's see…" Al said aloud as he took a seat on the nearby couch. "The two of you switched bodies over night. And you have no idea why?"

"Not a clue." Ed said with a nod. Al stared at him for a bit. It was odd seeing what was clearly his brother's facial expressions on Roy's face. "And what do YOU want?!" Ed shouted irritably at Roy whom at the moment looked like Edward.

"Either I'm a lot taller than I thought, or you're a lot _shorter_ than I thought." Roy remarked innocently.

"Why you…" Ed growled. He would have hurled himself at Roy, but it would have been an odd feeling to beat himself up.

"Nii-san." Alphonse sighed.

"Really, Edward. The view from down here is quite interesting." Roy mocked, not at all pleased about being in Ed's body.

Ed crossed his arms with a scowl and plopped himself down next to Al. "It's not like I'm any happier about being in _your_ body, Taisa."

"The two of you need to stop trying to irritate each other and get back to the matter at hand." Al said reasonably. "If I may have you attention… Nii-san? Taisa?"

"Go ahead, Alphonse-kun." Roy gestured. Ed nodded.

"Well, before we can even get to the question of 'how to return you to your own bodies', is there anything that either of you needed to do today?"

"I have work, of course." Roy stated. "But I highly doubt either of us would be able to handle that alone without a good deal of questioning."

Ed nodded in agreement. "We should keep this between the three of us." Roy and Al nodded.

Alphonse "Nii-san. Taisa. I'll go see what I can find out. You take care of Mustang-taisa's work." And with a nod, Al had left.

"Now what?" Ed asked looking at Roy.

Roy thought about if for a moment before speaking up. "We should both get changed and _both_ go to my office. We'll need an excuse for having 'Fullmetal' there however."

Ed nodded. "You can use my clothes. It's in the dresser in my room."

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Soon enough Roy was back in the living room dressed in Ed's black shirt and pants and red jacket. Edward looked him up and down with a skilled eye. "Hair."

"What?"

"Your hair. You need to braid it." Ed said simply. Roy was about to protest, but quickly shut his mouth. Ed always had his hair braided. If it wasn't today, it would look suspicious.

"There." Roy said tying his newly blond hair into a quick, messy braid.

Ed sighed and motioned for Roy to come closer so he, the expert, could braid it. Quickly, Edward undid and redid the braid. "Done."

"You know, Fullmetal." Roy said turning around, mischief in his eyes. "Your hair is really quite soft. You take good care of it."

Ed blushed. "Uh… right."

"We can stop by at my place for clothes and then head on to headquarters from there."

Ed nodded standing up. "This… should be interesting."

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"Taisa?" Havoc asked curiously looking at his superior as he walked in with Edward Elric close behind.

"Erm… yes?" Ed replied uncertainly.

"Why is Fullmetal here?" He asked pointing at Roy in Ed's body.

"Er… yes." Ed cleared his throat. "Well, I'm a little behind on my work. And Fullmetal, here generously offered to help." Roy nodded.

"Uh… that was… unusually nice of him." Havoc said glancing at Fullmetal unsurely.

"Edward-kun is always… I mean… -ahem-… oddly enough… yeah…" Edward stuttered out. Hawkeye watched them from the corner of her eye as the two of them quickly made their way to Mustang's office.

Closing the door behind him, Ed sank to the floor with a sigh. "You're not very good at that, Fullmetal." The colonel pointed out bluntly.

"Yeah, you don't have to rub it in." Ed sighed again.

"I need to get to work, Edward-kun. If anyone comes, shout and we'll switch places." Roy said as he took a seat behind his desk.

"And what am I to do?" Ed asked.

"Whatever you want. Just don't get in my way." The colonel said not looking up.

Edward scowled. "First, I'm taking off your stiff clothes. Man, how can you stand it?"

Roy shrugged. "You get used to it."

"I don't get it." Ed sighed shrugging off his coat.

"Kind of like how I don't understand how _you_ can handle having _this_ much hair." He said shaking his hair to make it brush against his neck.

Ed stifled a laugh as Colonel Mustang finally got down to work.

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They went the whole day without too many visitors and disruptions. No one had caught on to what was actually going on. At least that's what they were hoping. The day was drawing to a close and Roy and Ed should have stopped trying to play with Lady Luck and gone home already. But Roy was behind on his work and felt it his duty to finish it today. It was a mistake.

Ed, sitting by the door with a book, heard footsteps just outside. "Taisa." He whispered. Roy looked up and Ed indicated the door. He nodded and got up. Ed silently handed him the book he was reading and took a seat behind Roy's desk. Roy plopped himself leisurely on the nearby couch and pretended to be reading.

There was a knock. "Come in." Ed called. He'd already done that a few times that day and wasn't as nervous about pretending to be Roy Mustang.

The door opened to reveal Riza Hawkeye. Edward gulped. They hadn't seen her all day. Of all the people, she would be the one to notice any difference. Ed mentally prayed for the best.

"Taisa. Edward." She greeted. Roy nodded from his place on the couch.

"What can I do for you?" Ed asked attempting to avoid eye contact with Hawkeye while still trying to appear superior.

"These are the papers you asked for." She said placing a packet of papers on the desk. "They need your signature." Ed glanced at it unsurely. Sign papers? That was like... Forgery. And Hawkeye was sure to notice a difference in handwriting. "Just one, sir. On the last page." She said indicating a blank line.

Edward glanced at Roy for help. He shrugged. Ed sighed inwardly as he picked up a pen. Hawkeye slammed his hand down. "Wrong already, Taisa. Or should I say… Fullmetal?"

~ Tsuzuku ~ To Be Continued.


	3. FalkeAuge

Un-Equivalent Trade

By: Hakai

Disclaimer: I [Hakai] don't own anything Fullmetal Alchemist related. They belong to their respectful owners. Beware bad writing skills.

A/N: first attempt at a Hagane no Renkinjutsushi fanfic. I've only read up to vol 4, and some odd chapters after that to vol 6. So please excuse and correct any mistakes I may have made. Sankyuu! Opps. Lunatic Pandora1, thanks for catching my typo. I wrote Hangane no instead of Hagane no. opps. l0l

Chap. 3: Falke-Auge

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"Wrong already, Taisa. Or should I say… Fullmetal?"

"H-how…?" Ed trailed off. Hawkeye was sharp. She'd always been. But had she always been _this_ sharp?

"Mustang-taisa is right handed. You picked up the pen with your left hand." She said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Besides, I've had my suspicions since you walked in this morning."

"Brilliantly observant as always, Hawkeye." Roy said getting up from the couch to join them around his desk. "But we would appreciate it if you kept it to yourself."

~discontinued

a/n: I wanted to show you guys the conclusion of the "Hawkeye caught us" thing. But I'm also hear to tell you that this fanfic is being discontinued. I may or may not work on a new FMA fanfic that's been nagging at me to write for awhile. ^^;


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